Finally the worst has come, my life pillar had crashed a upon me.. Am i alone? I dono~ It seems so dark ard leaving me there? Has his heart left for her? Will he ever comes back to me? I dono!! From the start, i love this guy alot, loving him whole hearted.. Im sorry i made alot of mistake alot of things to anger euu but i reali didnt meant it.. Dunno why everytime i wanne do something nice and not anger euu i also did it the wrong way!! maybe all this is my doing thats why things end up like that now.. Trying my best to change but always change so little but seriously i reali put in alot of effort.. All i wanted was a simple and stable love from euu.. I guess no 1 in the world is gona to love him as much as i do.. Wad shld i do to stop the pain stop the tears from flowing.. stop the nitemare im having rite now? God~ wad shld i do? Is fate letting us be together? It hurts all over again to feel the pain in my shatter heart now.. Wishing that im dead rite now then i wont feel anything anymore!! Along i thot everything was fine after that time but was wrong things got worst, i guess i pissed him too!! HELP!! I reali was happi when i receive the msg of im willing to spend my life with u but it cant happen i tink it wont ever happen ler ba, its the matter of time i can still have him around sooner or later he will be gone with her ler~ *crys* Nthing gona to help anymore!! im breaking down reali soon~ By then dead numbness... Wad i have onli left is gone my soul r gone...

With ♥ From Suzanna [10:20 AM]

Didnt know why i woke up again that early, cant reali sleep and eat well, kept tinking abt the problem, haiss but i reali cant help it.. it juz came to my mind none stop making me remb and remb.. A friend like me the suitation is abt the same but juz that the problem is different, hope that he is doing fine with her ler ba~ I realise that in a r/s it reali takes two to willing to change and claps to work out.. maybe in r/s i have alot more to realise.. Juz browsing thru my friendster testimonial, read ur 3 long testimonial its reali sweet realising how important i was to euu before but thats the past ler... How shld i stop myself from tinking abt this things anymore to make myself sad, trying very hard to at least seems happi infront of euu juz not to stress euu..

Rite now, im trying to change the way euu will like.. but will euu ever try to change for me too? maybe its hard ba~ The fear of reali losing euu, reali starts happening ler wad shld i do? In my life its euu that matters the most, nthing else ler... Loving euu always~

With ♥ From Suzanna [11:09 AM]

Ytd went to eat steamboat with Jason and his friends but Kelvin haven reach so we went to play pool.. Dar become nub ler lol =x but after awhile he get back some of the skills... lo.. me doesnt know how to play wor onli play a few times onli, then after then we went to play lan the mouse cmi, move so fast until i walk ard tower to die.. hahaha stupit move... then after that went to Mariana Bay to eat steamboat , Kelvin was late then we went there first to eat.. then blah blah stuffs like that lor.. went to arcade after that then play with dar this gamie dunno wads that i lose him >.<~ sad then his friends help mi thou but still lose.. 11.45 ler take the last bus i suppose , then to Mariana Bay then take mrt sian no last train to jurong and if late go home mummy wanne scold ler then went take red line maybe get down orchard then take cab but we saw still got green line but didnt know was to pasir pris didnt c go in ler dar wanne call me then the door close ler... luckily i alight at city hall then from there i take cab home.. thanks to dar and his friends if not i will have to wait very long plus that the worst thing they have to walk from city hall to hq because of mi felt very bad.. sorri abt tat.. Everything was going well and happi i didnt thought wad happen nxt..

Darbby told me alot alot of things tat i never knew but i have never been so clam to talk to him though im very upset and mad but i guess he also doesnt wanne to be this way ba.. I dunno~ I'll try be the girl of ur dreamz i hope i can~ Maybe too long togther things starts to get boring but i will try to tink of way to improve tings between us ba, no matter how heartache i am to hear that but am glad he told me... i will still smile infront of him, i dun wanne him felt the pressure with me... A week to change my flaws i hope i can and not disappoint him again... I'll try my every ways to help ba~i wish i can ba~ I juz wanne be with him, i knw u didnt wanne settle down but maybe time mght change that tinking i dunno... haiss.. all i can do is to change and pray hard that everything goes well...

After been togther with euu for 1/2yr le i guess, alot things happen we been thru alot finally get together, seeing too much life and death had causes me to cherish IMPORTANT and PEOPLE around me cause you never know when u lose them.. Dar~ ur 1 guy that reali tooken my heart and if its reali everything.. I reali fall very hard for him, juz hope that fate dun be so cuerl to me and take away the onli happiness i have now~ beside him nthing else reali matter anymore...
A kinda cham that make me fall that hard... I love euu~ Hope euu too! Muackie

*No mAtter how heartbreak i am it doesnt matter wad matters is ur still by my side loving and caring me* at least rite now ur the ONLI one that does that ppl ard me are juz getting more and more untrustful...Hopin for the change in euu its hard but i do hope can ba!

*A given heart that was already sold to u from the first dae i fall for euu*

With ♥ From Suzanna [11:36 AM]

Todae is juz another slacking dae at home but actually happens alot of things between we two ba~ haiz.. I dun wanne end this r/s with him but the feelings and the mistake i made is making it going near to break up again.. I guess wad i am doing make me happy but in return made him very fan and bored of me ler... Calling him like everydae, juz wanne talk but then he told me that dun need always call de very fan+boring... and its pesting.. reali sad to hear that from him i mean if ur in a r/s ur partner told euu this.. but nvm la as long he's happi wad he is doing can ler... I also dunno how shld i change the suitation now, seeing me bored him sooner or later de cause we same class... there will never be a happi endin in any r/s ba.. its reali hard.. Rite now all i can sae im reali trying to make everything goes well in the r/s hoping that dae wont come that soon ba, cause if so by then i dunno how am i gona to handle the pain again... I didnt know why myself tat i love euu so much...That dae at his hse he also told me alot, i guess i reali hope he will try to get into commentiment ba... haiss why life is like tat... Todae wads reali happi was we make a note on our promise on com ba~

All i can do now is to cherish every monent with euu before i lose it again...
Love yea..

With ♥ From Suzanna [11:00 PM]

I need to wake up!!! It's time i need to wake up from the world i am in.. Wth am i doing all this time with my life... Maybe someone or something woke me up... I guess its due to the past tat i struck myself in that reali f*** up world of my own.. Seriously i need to get a life.. Come to tink of it tat reali happens reali isnt like me... I shld reali starts changing myself not as in i didnt change but for a even betta me... Need some serious thinking and clear myself out from the dream ler... I felt death around me, my dad friend suddenly pass away from heart attack a few daes ago, kinda sad cause he quite close with out family.. todae saw an accident again.. hopefully tat person is alrite.. Under my block another death again.. Haiss why is life so unpredictable and sad... It reali makes mi wanne cherish everything around me, in fear 1 dae i lose everything... Esp my Darbby~ I will like to sae tat, sorri tat all this happens and made euu upset always.. Maybe i have become to stick to euu ler, in fear of so much tat i mght lose euu and the not enuff secure... I wanne work this r/s out with euu, i hope euu felt so too, cause i doesnt wanne have euu out of my life again anymore... School, i have a major mess up in that letters and more letters.. my absent wad is happening, no motivating to school.. wth am i tinking... i will start to resume my normal school ler, no more skipping unless needed... Friends, i have reali little friends, esp in school but i'll try to improve ways with them ba~ Darbby, Hope there is a change for a betta in the r/s and that ur always happi... 1 more thing take care of urself im so worried for euu.. Enuff for tat ler, i know wad i reali wanne and i'll make things work out... Let's talk abt todae ba, skip school cause my dear was absent and actually wanne buy somthing for him and pass him the medicine then go for the afternoon lesson but dear insist me to go school at least take attendence but at the same time i reali is very late for lesson 1/2 hr more = break ler.. In the end didnt go school, went to look for him, brought fish porriage, then call him but no vaild.. sleepin i guess... waited for like 2hrs then went up his hse and knock the door, surpising that he open the door but i know he was reali very angry but all i wanne do was to take care of him when he's sick not as if someone there to take care of him and tat he doesnt need me worried... He doesnt wanne talk to me so i heat up the porriage and leave the medcine there and went out ler, tinking tat he mght stop me but sadly didnt.. i walk around his hse nearby and finally settle down thought of alot alot of things.. like i seldom reali did but recently i started up too ler... cry myself again, haiss... then suddenly a lot crash then accident again, i tink due to its raining.. After like another 1 or 2hrs dear wake up ler, call his hp finally thru but he doesnt wish to talk after a few sms finally he allow mi go hise hse tere ler.. after every long then made up tanks for his forgiving again.. i also made his dae very dulan too.. sorri abt tat.. dear... Then we made spaggti together actually is i made de but in the end make together.. wasnt reali nice cause the noodles kinda hard lor but still nice xD was very hungry moring onli eat bread with coke the whole dae nia... Went home again by cab, haiss waste his money again.. sad =( sorri darbby recently been u paying alot.... Finally reach home ler, bath ler then thought abt alot, then realise alot of tings that needed changes of me, myself and i xD Then now 1plus ler haven sleep >.<~ play dota 1rd with my darbby so happi first time my sniper die 1 time nia and kill a few... got more to learn xD thanks dar this goes to him de wor for his teaching xD

With ♥ From Suzanna [12:05 AM]